nuances of a modest rejection

•September 18, 2017 • Leave a Comment

its come to my personal attention that i may have neglected the mission at hand for myself. to have let myself be distracted by so-called current events, moon cycles, and diluted imaginary scenarios. i am not the ideal candidate to try and decipher these seemingly truthful phenomena outside of such go-to topics of discussion. i like to think that maybe i do something a little different that may stand alone when compared to other sources of any form of human mind product, or as you know it, entertainment.

the card i drew today was the seven of pentacles. apparently this is a time for meticulously dissecting my own actions as well as the feedback received from the outer as a symbiosis of that symbiotic relationship. and my daughter just woke up because whatever reason. perhaps i am simply broadcasting too low of a negative frequency. either way maybe i have revealed too much vulnerable information at this point. even if that is the case i humbly admit to no other intention than possibly teaching others through my personal thoughts, writing, and experience. damn the insecurities.

i must confess however.

not long ago i decided to express my love in the act of optimistic execution at a means of possible reproduction. however the receiver of my spontaneous effort decided to flush any possibility of that attempted actualization without my council or knowing until it had already past. i never thought such a responsible act of prevention could wound so hurtful. until it happened i suppose it may have seemed like nothing drastic to me. if anything it would have normally been perceived as a burden uplifted. however this was something i wouldn’t have minded in those few hours of reformed romantic passion. just as quickly as the fire roared it seemingly backdrafted and suffocated on its own fumes. after that realization of what lack of importance my legacy meant to this other i became the bi-product of inner despair, disappointment, and miserable unhappiness yet again.

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enter the barley moon 2017

•September 5, 2017 • Leave a Comment

according to the almanac manual the full moon will be tomorrow mourning at 3:04am. trying to rise sooner in the day so i will probably sleep this one out.

card of the day today is la morte. hopefully something positive comes from all this negativity thats been harping me as of late indeed.

hurricane harvey was a god forsaken gust from the gulf of guzzling shit goo if i should say so myself. the auto’s caught a little water in the interior. nothing too drastic. the wreck could have been avoided though. fuckit. hopefully things will pick up sometime here shortly.

here’s to the next moon cycle and getting away from the cursed mercurial retrograde!

aftermath of current events

•August 11, 2017 • Leave a Comment

not too pleased with my human peers at this grave given moment. i hope to forgive all else as well as myselves in days to come. i understand completely that no one is molded to perfection from the start. its a bit of disgust to imagine the incompatibility of some of it all. what a wretched feeling it is to me to even somewhat possibly resemble the like. all i can do now is not brood on this specific negativity and continue to pursue higher vibrations.

the fruit moon wanez

•August 9, 2017 • Leave a Comment

been having a hard time lately. a couple of days ago i got off work early and decided to pick up my girls. turned out my car lost its brakes on the way and i was just along for the ride. rear-ended this red ford truck and knocked its plastic bumper right off. second time this has happened in my classic. at least now i see that it was the drums partially but more so the master cylinder. its completely out. nearly could have died or killed someone else. decided to go ahead and retire the classic and sell it to my aspiring younger brother. he feels he can salvage it so best of luck to him.

needless to say with my transportation out of service i no longer had a way to work. ended up throwing the keys thus dropping the ball. i wonder why my luck is so strange sometimes. especially during full moons. things seem to get a bit more peculiar.

no worries however. this recent job was just a means to pass the time until my next. my aptitude test is next month. i have no worry in the matter. they even gave me a study packet. how quaint.

the reason for the melancholic song is that my anti-queen had yet again turned on me due to my misfortune. i really don’t understand why the first thing she does when i’m down is puncture stabs into my side. maybe i deserve it at this point. we’ll see.

the reign of the moon cycle of julius coming to an end

•July 27, 2017 • Leave a Comment

according to the draw of the day things are to be looking up. figured i’d semi-celebrate with my time off before work to live stream another webisode of the eleventh hour series. unfortunately the sound quality is rather rough in this one due to yours truly still being in the experimental phase but things will eventually smooth over the more i am able to do this on occasion. if there are any potential patrons just know that you can now show support by donating to myself by pressing the button at the bottom of the Linkz page or simply clicking here. every little bit helps and if enough revenue is generated then i will definitely be able to justify doing this full time with rapidly increased quality due to granted resources thus enabling time towards these projects. anyway i feel like i am starting to sound like a beggar of some sort so i will then now away.

as of lately

•July 20, 2017 • Leave a Comment

so we all know that we are well into the summer solstice and have recently bypassed the thunder moon yet again. what a blessing to be alive. i suppose we’ve made it thus far.

as for the present my supposed card of the day today according to the daily draw is:

at first i could not see what this was about and was rather annoyed admittedly. i kid you not this was my die-roll just a couple of days ago as well. what was unnerving is that i am currently attempting yet again to earn federal reserve notes at the expense of my desired lifestyle with my children. that in mind understand that i am also trying to maintain a more positive attitude and disposition. in all actuality i just had a cup of some of my dream leaf tea and now that i’m relaxed i can truly feel the disappointment i have with my existence. not just within myself. but with the perception i have of the others whom i supposedly share this this dream with. i feel we could all be doing better. but at the same time i wish we could more so be truly free of any sort of disconstrued-presupposed-assigned assumely maybe kind of responsibility. in spite of myself maybe i may as well participate at a higher intensity despite all contradictions of all the other. i speak garble understandedly but at least i do so with protest against the so-called conventionals & conventions. what a cantrip this imaginely seems to be!

 

 

alternative last line: what a hogwash of fucking ill-mannered outer discipline! Next scene already pls.

solstice of the summer 2017

•June 22, 2017 • Leave a Comment

 

haven’t posted in a while. admittedly i have been battling my manic depression with no 3rd party medication whatsoever. straight cold chicken. its been rough and frustrating. my spouse denies my suffering to my face when i am the one enduring it. it is endlessly disheartening as it is disgraceful to my being.

other than that i am looking forward to new things that i will probably elaborate about later on as they come to fruition. in the meantime i have decided to quit streaming timewalking runs and diablo 2\3. catch me on steam as LifeGodChaos playing aok hd or path of exile in the meantime.

taking a break from musick as well. a brief encounter with a mirror stranger the other day solidified that as i did not care too much for what was being sold to me. tried to overlook it and remain enthused but it must have cost me face and artistic accountability. shame on me for simply wanting to play for the sake of collaborating with others. a loner i remain it seems.

ciao.